Brutally Honest Oscar Ballot: ‘Call Me by Your Name’ Is “Wrong,” ‘The Post’ Got “Over-Spielberg-ized”

‘The Shape of Water’

Courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox

I didn’t like Call Me by Your Name. From what I understand, there was less of a difference between the ages of the young boy and his lover in the book, but I have to tell you, in the movie version it looked like a 35- or 40-year-old guy was hitting on a 16- or 17-year-old boy, and it just seemed wrong. It would have been wrong if they were heterosexuals.

With The Post, Spielberg couldn’t get out of his own fucking way. He gave every actor business. [“Business” meaning physical actions beyond delivering lines.] I felt like he saw Birdman and said, “Let’s do that, only I’m gonna make everybody fiddle about with something in their pocket or a cigarette or whatever.” It killed me. It was a great story with a great cast that got over-Spielberg-ized. 

Three Billboards [Outside Ebbing, Missouri]? Nothing was honest about that movie. The acting was superb, but the characters didn’t seem real and the story seemed exactly like what it was: a Brit’s version of America. I don’t feel that if I went to Ebbing, Missouri, that is how it would be. Get Out was a great, fun, entertaining genre film, but I don’t read as much into it as others do. 

Dunkirk looked great, but it was a little confusing, there wasn’t enough of an emotional thread, and the drone of the airplane through the whole fucking movie just drove me crazy. For me it just didn’t fully work.

I liked Lady Bird — even though it’s about a mother and daughter, and even though I’m a guy, there were actually elements that reminded me of me and my parents — but I grew to dislike Lady Bird because of its fucking social media campaign. They pounded the drum too much. They put a magnifying glass on everything — like, how they shot the scene at the airport in one take. They shot the scene at the airport in one take because they fucking stole it! [“Stealing a shot” means filming on location without permission.]

I loved everything about Phantom Thread — it created a world, it looked wonderful, and Daniel Day-Lewis is always just so commanding to watch. In some years it might have been my favorite picture, but not this year. It’s funny, “best picture” is not what it was when I was a kid, or even 15 years ago. It used to be about the subject matter, and a movie like The Shape of Water wouldn’t have come within a mile of winning — it would have been dismissed as an exploitation-genre film or something.

But we look for different things now. That’s kind of why I didn’t vote for Darkest Hour or Dunkirk for best picture [in my No. 1 spot]. Part of the reason why I liked The Shape of Water more than the others is it’s only “topical” in that it deals with outsiders, not racism or sexism or anything else. [Sally Hawkins’ character] is in love with something different. Good for her. I was gobsmacked by the film.

My Vote: 

1. The Shape of Water

2. Darkest Hour

3. Phantom Thread

4. Lady Bird

5. Dunkirk

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