Hannah Brown really wants her men to be bold.
What does bold mean, exactly? A lot of different things, according to tonight’s episode of The Bachelorette, during which that word was said a total of 14 times—17, if you count during previews and one commercial for Listerine.
All Hannah wants is a man who’s bold, but it turns out that might be a dangerously vague word to use so many times to describe your perfect mate (and also yourself).
It started with a Mr. Right pageant, judged by runway expert Miss J and drag queens Alyssa Edwards and Alaska, and Hannah first uttered the word as John Paul Jones strutted along the catwalk in a speedo.
“John Paul Jones is a talent in and of himself, but that’s what I wanna see. I want ’em to have fun, I want ’em to be bold, and I want them to surprise me today,” Hannah informed the camera.
During the talent portion, JPJ rode a unicycle, Jed wrote a song, Mike wore high heels (to walk a mile in Hannah’s shoes), and Luke P. decided his talent was making absurd first date statements like “I’m falling in love with you.” That is actually very bold, and it worked for him to win the pageant (even though that is insane and not a talent).
During the cocktail party, Hannah praised the boldness.
“I was super impressed, and you all showed how bold you all are in your own unique way,” she said, raising her glass. “So to you guys for being bold and making me feel like a queen, cheers.”
At the post date cocktail party, Luke P. promised Hannah he really was falling in love with her and he was “scared” of telling her that tonight, because he didn’t know how she would handle it, but he just can’t hide it.
“I am glad you told me,” Hannah said. “That’s all I’ve been asking for is somebody to fight for me and be…I mean, like I asked for bold, and you’re bold.”
Then they made out, like they would many more times.
“There’s such a part of me that wants to be like, him, it’s him. ‘Cause he’s saying everything my heart needs him to say. Everything.”
So, declaring your love on the first date (a first date that includes a large group of other guys) is bold, and good.
On a one-on-one date, Tyler G. expressed how he’s not worried about looking vulnerable or cool, because it doesn’t matter. A guy’s supposed to be strong and cool and collected, but that’s apparently no way to live. You gotta reach out and care and be genuine.
“I think it’s really strong that you’re able—and bold and attractive—that you’re able to express how you feel. That’s what a relationship’s about.”
Expressing yourself is, once again, bold.
Then, Cam (Always Be Careful (Around Cam)) adopted the word as his own, to use it however he wished, specifically when he got mad that he wasn’t invited on the roller derby date and was left at the mansion to twiddle his thumbs.
“I’m, you know, obviously motivated more than ever go to and create time with Hannah and be bold because, as I always say, A-B-C: Always Be Cam,” Cam said.
Meanwhile, on the actual roller derby date, Tyler C. was also thinking about being bold even though his team lost at roller derbying.
“I’m a bad loser, so tonight is huge to spend time with Hannah to show her my best side and be bold for her,” he said.
Dustin took a swing after the date, after he got injured on the track. He tried to explain to Hannah why he’s been a little quiet.
“I’ve been so nervous, like every time. I’m not like a lot of the other guys. Like I know I’m shy and quiet, and I do want to be bold for you, but I just have to find my own way,” he explained.
Then, Cam enacted his “bold” plan. He just showed up with a bouquet of flowers and puns like “hannahlytical” and “hannahlyze.” Hannah even thanked him for coming out and letting her know he was thinking of her.
“I left the mansion tonight to come and just see Hannah,” Cam said. “I wanted to reaffirm my intentions with her and let her know that I know what her expectations are. She’s looking for a man who’s going to be bold. She’s looking for a man who is going to break out of his comfort zone and push the conventions.”
As Cam left, Daron was expressing his disapproval.
“The one thing that Hannah looks for is someone who’s bold, and I think one thing that comes with bold is being confident, and what he did shows none of that,” he said.
Later, at the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party, Hannah revealed that it is she who is also bold.
“This is about me deciding what type of person I wanna spend the rest of my life with and for them to know what their getting, and that’s a strong, emotional, real, bold woman who’s not scared of laying it all out there.”
During the rose ceremony, we got a whole lotta commentary from one Mr. Luke P.
“Just knowing Hannah, I mean she’s nonstop talk about being bold, but Cam’s the wrong kind of bold,” Luke explained, and Cam disagreed.
“I’m the type of guy that, when I want something, I go all in. I don’t wanna be passive, because Hannah straight up said that’s not what she wants. She wants a bold man,” he said, just before receiving the final rose.
“I’m really excited about the group of men that I have here, and I am continuing to look for men that make bold moves,” Hannah then told us.
Cam then did his own toast to “my future best friend, Mrs. Hannah Ayala,” and that apparent bold declaration that she would one day take his last name did not seem to fully sink in.
“Gotta be bold fellas, gotta be bold,” Cam said like he’s abandoning “Always Be Cam” for “Gotta Be Bold,” and then continued: “Did she not affirm what I was telling you guys all along? You just to be yourself and be real and be bold.”
Meanwhile, Luke P. was hightailing it over to Hannah in the middle of her post-rose ceremony interview to make out for a bit.
So currently, it seems like all of the guys have heard Hannah’s many declarations that she wants a man to be bold, and now they’re in a fight over who can be the most bold. Currently the only two guys who are really competing are Luke P. and Cam in the worst, most cringeworthy ways possible.
Meanwhile, the rest of the guys like to say the word, but they’re not quite sure how to act on it in a way that’s not what Luke’s doing and not what Cam’s doing, and we’re over here pretty sure “bold” isn’t actually even a word anymore.
Now we’re going to be our boldest selves and go right on home. Good night.
The Boldchelerette airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC, but scroll down to see our thoughts on which guys are killing it and also not so much below:
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