It’s here: the best day of our quarantine lives so far.
Ever since The Bachelor ended a month ago and we have since been asked to stay in our homes for the greater good, we’ve been craving something Bachelor-adjacent to serve as a distraction. It has now arrived in the form of The Bachelor Presents: Listen to Your Heart, a six-week sort of experiment that’s like Bachelor in Paradise but there’s no sand, and everybody’s a musician who’s never been on a Bachelor show before.
It’s a brand new journey for the franchise and for us, and it couldn’t have come at a better time. What better way to pass the endless days than by obsessing over a bunch of new single people competing for love? There isn’t one, and because we’re all craving connection right now, we’re going to live blog each and every episode. That way we can pretend we’re all at one giant watch party together, having the time of our lives and listening to our own hearts as they tell us to grab yet another glass of rosé. So here we go.
8:00 p.m.: We’ve barely begun, and Chris Harrison is once again bringing up the movie A Star Is Born. Does he or anyone else on this show know that that movie ended in tragedy? Apparently not, and we don’t care.
8:08 p.m.: Trevor, 29, is doing this right by appearing shirtless with his dog. Seems like a real mistake if he doesn’t bring the dog to the show with him. A hot musician with a dog seems hard to resist.
8:13 p.m.: These limo arrivals just feel wrong since they’re at a mansion but they’re just greeting Chris Harrison and not trying desperately to impress one nervous hottie.
8:17 p.m.: “What is a really good memory you have from your childhood?” “I had seizures and brain surgery when I was six. It was awesome!” Now that’s a hell of a perspective and a hell of a way to answer that question.
8:20 p.m.: A love triangle has begun! Jamie’s got eyes for both Ryan and Trevor, and girl, we get it.
8:26 p.m.: Not only is this man singing about a “hot touch,” but he’s already diving in for kisses with Savannah by saying “I like your lips,” after a real mediocre beatbox session. Props to Savannah for getting out of that.
8:31 p.m.: There are four more guys than girls! Four guys are going home! That’s a lot of guys!
8:37 p.m.: “Kiss them both, let us know how it is.” Whoever that girl is is a hero.
8:47 p.m.: Rudi is already imagining how she and Matt could sleep in a bed together based on their sleeping habits, and she thinks it would go well. So knock that off the hour one to-do list.
8:47 p.m.: Kissing beat box dude is at it again, asking a girl if she’d like to join him in the hot tub. “I kind of have to use the restroom, so I’m gonna find that,” she says, wandering away.
8:49 p.m.: Rudi may be imagining sleeping next to Matt and she may also be in the hot tub with Matt right now, but she’s not here for a kiss. “We should wait, because…I look crazy.”
Who knew we’d be having such a good time watching women come up with excuses for not kissing silly men?
8:51 p.m.: Elsewhere, Jamie is connecting with both Ryan and Trevor. She’s vibing with them both, she says, but it’s only Trevor she heads to the hot tub to make out with while Ryan is at the piano, entertaining inside the house. Ryan has no idea.
“So far, it’s been great man. Just been like, groovin’. I love this place.”
6:00 p.m.: Ryan gets to continue to love this place when he invites Jamie on a date, leaving Trevor behind to wonder if they’re doing “the coolest thing ever.”
It is, in fact, a pretty cool thing.
6:02 p.m.: Jamie and Ryan end up at Capitol Records, recording a cover of John Mayer’s “Gravity” with the guy who originally produced it.
6:04 p.m.: Trevor’s not a jealous guy, he says, but he’s totally jealous of Jamie and Ryan on this date, and he doesn’t even know what they’re doing yet.
6:10 p.m.: Matt’s got a date card, and he’s got two options he’s considering. First, he sits down with Mel. Then he sits down with Rudi, who didn’t want to kiss him last night, but who now is convinced he will take her on the date.
“I’m excited to get some quality time with my Matt, and I will kiss him,” she says.
Matt chooses Mel.
6:13 p.m.: We lol’d at a transition from Jamie and Ryan singing “Gravity” to Trevor staring off into the sunset, to Jamie and Ryan staring into the same sunset.
6:19 p.m.: Delighted to see a different, non-triangle couple! Chris and Bri appear to be incredibly cute, and he just wants to hear her sing, which is adorable.
6:23 p.m.: Matt and Mel are at a private Plain White Ts concert while Rudi is back at the mansion, singing her sorrows, because this show is an actual musical.
6:30 p.m.: Sheridan (who has some beautiful hair) is here to woo Julia, and she seems to be into it!
6:35 p.m.: Matt sees no spark with Mel, so he’s back for Rudi, who’s got no time for him after he didn’t take her on the date she thinks he said he wanted to take her on. We genuinely do not know if he said that, because if he did, we didn’t see him say exactly that, but it didn’t end up mattering. He screwed up no matter what.
“Sometimes stuff comes out of my mouth that I don’t even know what’s going on.”
Sir…
6:41 p.m.: Ryan is so thrilled to have found Jamie, with no idea how into Trevor Jamie clearly is. And it’s probably just because of Trevor’s very Jed-like jacket but we’re finding ourselves on team Ryan.
6:44 p.m.: Time for a last ditch effort serenade and makeout sesh for Trevor and Jamie! We’re envisioning a lot of last ditch rose ceremony serenades on this show.
6:52 p.m.: Mel has chosen Gabe, who is not Matt, so clearly she also didn’t feel the spark.
6:53 p.m.: But “mysterious” Cheyenne has chosen Matt, so silly Matt gets to live another day.
6:54 p.m.: Julia has chosen the long-haired Sheridan, and not the bald man whose name we never learned.
6:55 p.m.: Jamie’s up, and she’s choosing…Trevor Jedcoat. JUSTICE FOR RYAN.
6:56 p.m.: We get to wait to see who Rudi, the final girl, picks with the rest of the safe couples, and it’s a solid bit of drama when she walks in with…Ryan! Ryan got justice!
That means we have to say goodbye to bald guy, “Hot Touch” kissing guy, someone named Russell(?), and another man. We’re going to miss them all so much.
See you next week, when apparently several more “hot” women will be arriving to shake things up, as if we needed that.
The Bachelor Presents: Listen to Your Heart airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.
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