The Ultimate Ranking of The Muppets

It’s time to play the music, it’s time to light the lights, it’s time to rank the Muppets before the Muppet show tonight!

That’s right, they’re back! Those beloved little felt monsters are finally returning to the small screen after nearly five years away (RIP, ABC’s The Muppets) with the July 31 premiere of Muppets Now on Disney+. In the new series—billed as Muppet Studios’ first unscripted show ever—Jim Henson‘s iconic creations promise to deliver the same sort of startling silliness and chaotic fun that made them famous to begin with.

Over the course of the six-episode first season, poor Scooter tries to meet his delivery deadlines and upload the new Muppet series made for streaming, which is due now. Of course, his co-workers have no interest in making that easy for him. Would you expect anything less?

In honor of their big return, we’re getting a little bit crazy and ranking all (or most) of the Muppets that span the franchise’s many movies & TV series. Do Kermit and Miss Piggy take the top spots or does someone else reign supreme?

Let’s get to it, shall we? Read on to find out who is our No. 1 Muppet!

He’s responsible for the entire catastrophe that is Disneyland’s Muppet Vision 3D and we will never forgive him.

He’s like Ron Swanson minus all the things that make Ron Swanson endearing.

We blame Bunsen’s negligence in the laboratory for all of Beaker’s many injuries.

His face bothers us. He’s like a mostly evil catfish who also plays the organ.

Bobo just has no place looking like that much of a real bear in the Muppet-verse.

A band this iconic, they’re a package deal. They’re also just so ’70s. Sorry, Janice stans.

He’s a Muppet of a man! (And the man responsible for reviving the film franchise back in 2011, instantly earning himself a spot on this list.)

We have a thing about terrible comedians and that thing is called secondhand embarrassment. (Sorry, Fozzie.) 

He may be gigantic but he’s a true sweetheart.

Gonzo’s lady love is responsible for an awful lot of clucking to the tune of popular songs, but at least the songs are less likely to get stuck in our heads that way.

Never have we been so enchanted by the relationship between a drummer and his drums.

Gotta love a dog who can play some mean jazz piano.

We can’t exactly put our finger on why, but he entertains us, especially when he plays Celeb Tinder.

Similarly, we couldn’t tell you why, but we’re rather fond of this tough New Yorker..

Just make up your mind about Miss Piggy already and quit whining about it, you beloved frog friend!

The epitome of pop culture commentators! Plus, how can you not love two very old men in a lifelong bromance? You can’t have one without the other!

Sure, she can be annoying, but she’s also an unapologetically confident female who isn’t afraid to pull some punches when she needs to. We have no choice but to stan.

Borky bork gesporken blergy smurg geborken!

Someday, one of his experiments will actually work and he will rule the world. In the meantime, we’ll give him the love that ol’ Bunsen Honeydew never does.

Kermit and Piggy may be the stars, but the Great Gonzo is the unsung hero of the Muppet-verse. His species is mysterious, he’s engaged (married?) to a chicken, and his song in The Muppet Movie actually makes us want to cry. His stunts may not always work out, but it’s never for a lack of trying. Also, he’s not annoying, which is a major Muppet plus! 

Muppets Now premieres Friday, July 31 on Disney+ with new episodes dropping every week.

(Originally published on Sept. 22, 2015 at 9:27 a.m. PST.)